So they kept me in the hospital for 3 days after I had my baby and still didn't want me to leave. I had to insist and the lactation consultant threw a fit when she found out I was being discharged. Baby wouldn't wake up, she wasn't hungry and trying to nurse her was impossible. The LC would help me try for hours with no success. We undressed her, tickled her, everything and nothing worked. She had no desire to latch. It was exhausting to say the least, never mind the after pains. As I was getting ready to go home the LC is arguing with the nurses that my baby is going to get dehydrated if I take her home without being able to nurse her. This of course is not what a new young mother needs to hear. I just wanted to go home but was feeling panicked now, thinking that my baby was going to be in danger.
Meanwhile no one, not even my doctor educated me on how to take care of an episiotomy incision, I had no idea and later this would prove to be a major issue. So we go home and of course, after 3 days of sleeping my baby finally found her lungs and the grumbly in her tummy. I didn't know what to do. Again I would try for hours to nurse her, to the point where she was screaming and I was crying and we were both exhausted. The nurses kept calling me to ask me if I was still trying. They suggested that I syringe feed so that she wouldn't become dependent on a bottle nipple. So that's what I did, after 2 hours of failing at breastfeeding, I would spend another hour trying to syringe feed her. Nurses would call me at least once a day and rudely pressure me about it. Meanwhile, the day after we brought her home the episiotomy incision became infected. I had a high fever and the pain made it difficult to do anything. My mom had to come and stay with us and do all the housework and lifting etc. My husband had to do night time changings. I ended up in emergency one night to get antibiotics and percocet. My mom had to give baby a bottle, there was nothing else to be done. My mom had also called a better organization of nurses who had leant me a breast pump (and some support) so at least baby was getting breast milk (which I had plenty of). I had been "brainwashed" so to speak that my baby would somehow be sick and dumb if she was formula fed.
After that there was no going back. Although I did spend many more hours trying to convince baby to latch, we were both happier with the bottle. I continued to pump...1/2 hour of pumping, 1 hour of feeding, every time. When baby was 3 weeks old the pumping began to hurt. I ignored it until a few days later when the pain in my left breast was so bad I had to excuse myself from a dinner party because I could no longer keep a straight face. My fever soared to 1o4 degrees so again I headed to emergency. (I will spare you the other symptoms of mastitis.) Back on antibiotics and 4 days in bed and this time I said "That's it, I quit." But it wasn't easy, I felt like other moms looked down on me, because I formula fed. It was hard at playgroups and in church when I was the only one pulling out a bottle. Looking back, I know I shouldn't have worried what others thought, it was the guilty feelings of doing my baby wrong that caused those worries. When baby became very ill at 3 months of age she was hospitalized. Upon her discharge (after a diagnosis of her body overreacting to a urinary tract infection) a doctor actually said to me, in front of 5 interns that if she'd been breastfed she might not have gotten so sick. I am all for breastfeeding but no, not everyone can do it and the women who can't shouldn't be shunned for it. I would like to add that since then this baby has had maybe 3 ear infections in her whole 9 years of life, not to mention no other health problems and is an intelligent straight A student who is wise beyond her years. I am blessed to have such a beautiful healthy daughter.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Let's talk about it.
I've never understood why people are reluctant to talk about their childbirth experiences. Maybe in some cases there is nothing to tell but I wish my mother and others had been more open about it and really prepared me for my own experience. Ya I went to prenatal classes but they sugar coat it. And they only prepare you for normal or "textbook" labor. Or maybe there is no way to prepare but I'm going to share my experiences here even if it's just for my own sake.
I found out I was pregnant just before my 2oth birthday. I was scared, it was unplanned. I was just finishing up my 2nd year of college. I remember trying to go to class with overwhelming nausea. The morning sickness lasted for 4 months though, at least. After that I felt like I was starving all the time. I didn't show until I was 7 months along. We only had one ultrasound and didn't know what we were having, I thought it was a boy. At 37 weeks it was discovered that I had been leaking fluid for a week. So the doc sent me over to the hospital because of the high risk of infection after the membranes have ruptured. They immediately put me on IV antibiotics and scheduled me for induction the next day. I was 3 cm dilated and the nurses all thought I'd go into labor on my own during the night. I spent the night in the induction room with 3 other women.
At 9am they came and put me on some kind of hormone drip. (we were all induced at the same time) I walked and laid around all morning very nervous and waiting for something to happen. At 1pm I laid down and with a sudden, big contraction, my water broke. With it came more than intense pain and I will admit I began to panic a bit. The nurse came over and checked me, telling me I was 5 cm dilated. She told me to calm down and that I would dilate about 1 cm per hour. That scared me because by now I was in the greatest pain I'd ever felt and there was no break between contractions..none...just one big contraction (apparently common with inductions). I tried as hard as I could to keep from making any noise, all the other women and their family members were watching me...although it was with more concern than the nurses. I went back and forth to the bathroom trying to find some privacy. The nurses actually seemed annoyed. Finally one of them suggested I go to the showers, I'm sure it was to try and get rid of me for a while. It was probably close to 3pm by this time. The shower helped and I was happy to stay there for a little while. Until my body started pushing, I couldn't control it. But I thought it was normal, a way to get through the pain, it felt good to push. I told him not to but Mike went and found a nurse and told her what was happening. She came running in and before I knew it I was on a stretcher going up to a delivery room that had just been finished being cleaned from the woman before me. Finally they were taking me seriously!
A nurse checked me and told me I was fully dilated and that it was ok to go ahead and push. I was sooo relieved. The room filled up with nurses very quickly all running around and talking about how the doctor wasn't going to make it for the delivery. The doctor did make it though, just in time. Baby started crowning and as all mothers without epidurals know, that's just a real hard part to get through. I'd had no time for drugs. It was all happening so fast, my mind and body didn't even have time to deal with it all. After hearing my sister's "textbook" birth story I am convinced that, even though it may take longer, it is better than the intense fast labors...The room was so noisy. A nurse had to get right in my face and tell me to stop yelling while I pushed. I was actually grateful for that because I needed someone to tell me what to do. My husband was understandably flustered. The doctor called to me "I hope you're ok with and episiotomy!" (clearly I didn't have a choice at that point) At 3:48pm the baby was out and I was told "it's a girl!" Of course this is the moment when every woman claims to instantly forget all the pain and just stare into her baby's eyes. I was overjoyed, so happy to have a girl, and surprised by her beauty. But she was quickly whisked away and I was told that the placenta was stuck. The nurse came over with a gas mask and told me to take some deep breaths with it. I asked why and she said "Cause this is gonna hurt." The only thing I can say about that is that it was at least quick. There were of course many stitches after that but finally I was in a private room with my baby by my side. I was exhausted as all mothers are after childbirth. I kept opening my eyes to see her and couldn't believe that my beautiful baby was finally there. I didn't see her eyes until 3 days later, she was so sleepy and wouldn't even wake up to eat but that is another story.
I found out I was pregnant just before my 2oth birthday. I was scared, it was unplanned. I was just finishing up my 2nd year of college. I remember trying to go to class with overwhelming nausea. The morning sickness lasted for 4 months though, at least. After that I felt like I was starving all the time. I didn't show until I was 7 months along. We only had one ultrasound and didn't know what we were having, I thought it was a boy. At 37 weeks it was discovered that I had been leaking fluid for a week. So the doc sent me over to the hospital because of the high risk of infection after the membranes have ruptured. They immediately put me on IV antibiotics and scheduled me for induction the next day. I was 3 cm dilated and the nurses all thought I'd go into labor on my own during the night. I spent the night in the induction room with 3 other women.
At 9am they came and put me on some kind of hormone drip. (we were all induced at the same time) I walked and laid around all morning very nervous and waiting for something to happen. At 1pm I laid down and with a sudden, big contraction, my water broke. With it came more than intense pain and I will admit I began to panic a bit. The nurse came over and checked me, telling me I was 5 cm dilated. She told me to calm down and that I would dilate about 1 cm per hour. That scared me because by now I was in the greatest pain I'd ever felt and there was no break between contractions..none...just one big contraction (apparently common with inductions). I tried as hard as I could to keep from making any noise, all the other women and their family members were watching me...although it was with more concern than the nurses. I went back and forth to the bathroom trying to find some privacy. The nurses actually seemed annoyed. Finally one of them suggested I go to the showers, I'm sure it was to try and get rid of me for a while. It was probably close to 3pm by this time. The shower helped and I was happy to stay there for a little while. Until my body started pushing, I couldn't control it. But I thought it was normal, a way to get through the pain, it felt good to push. I told him not to but Mike went and found a nurse and told her what was happening. She came running in and before I knew it I was on a stretcher going up to a delivery room that had just been finished being cleaned from the woman before me. Finally they were taking me seriously!
A nurse checked me and told me I was fully dilated and that it was ok to go ahead and push. I was sooo relieved. The room filled up with nurses very quickly all running around and talking about how the doctor wasn't going to make it for the delivery. The doctor did make it though, just in time. Baby started crowning and as all mothers without epidurals know, that's just a real hard part to get through. I'd had no time for drugs. It was all happening so fast, my mind and body didn't even have time to deal with it all. After hearing my sister's "textbook" birth story I am convinced that, even though it may take longer, it is better than the intense fast labors...The room was so noisy. A nurse had to get right in my face and tell me to stop yelling while I pushed. I was actually grateful for that because I needed someone to tell me what to do. My husband was understandably flustered. The doctor called to me "I hope you're ok with and episiotomy!" (clearly I didn't have a choice at that point) At 3:48pm the baby was out and I was told "it's a girl!" Of course this is the moment when every woman claims to instantly forget all the pain and just stare into her baby's eyes. I was overjoyed, so happy to have a girl, and surprised by her beauty. But she was quickly whisked away and I was told that the placenta was stuck. The nurse came over with a gas mask and told me to take some deep breaths with it. I asked why and she said "Cause this is gonna hurt." The only thing I can say about that is that it was at least quick. There were of course many stitches after that but finally I was in a private room with my baby by my side. I was exhausted as all mothers are after childbirth. I kept opening my eyes to see her and couldn't believe that my beautiful baby was finally there. I didn't see her eyes until 3 days later, she was so sleepy and wouldn't even wake up to eat but that is another story.
Cute Things My Twins Do
I love watching my identical twin girls interact. I will often find them sitting and "reading" together or feeding each other. Now that they are two and able to communicate better it is hilarious some of the things they come up with. A friendly wrestling match between the 2 is so much fun to watch. They have just learned to blame each other when they get in trouble. The other day I came upstairs and found that they had spilled those little rubber elastics all over the hallway and my bedroom. I started saying "Uh-oh, who made this mess?" Gracie immediately pointed to Meghan and said "sgabababa mess!" So I said to Meghan "Did you make this mess or did Gracie make this mess?" Meghan then pointed to Gracie and grinned up at me. I wish I had it on video of course, my writing skills don't do the cuteness justice. Then last night Gracie started pointing to some orange marker on the wall (that has been there for days) and jabbering "shakdos color color mess!" and then pointing to Meghan. So I say "oh no we don't color on the wall" and Gracie went real close to Meghan's face and repeated "no no color wall!"
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